Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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