Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
