Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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