I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
