You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Randomize
