So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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