we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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