i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
