Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
