I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
