pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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