Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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