He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
ugly people sure do ruin things
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
