By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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