after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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