ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
