I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
