Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
