You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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