Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
