Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
