A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize