There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
