i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
