i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
