this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
