I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
