Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
