Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
