i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
