just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
