Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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