At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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