Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
