Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
