I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
