My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
