Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
