do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
