OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
