hotel room ftw
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
