dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
