My hand turned me down
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
