Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
