she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
