it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
