She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
