he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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