Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
