I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
