Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
