the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I did not marry a roomba.
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