The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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