Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
