you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
