Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
