hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Everclear isn't food dammit
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
