K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
