Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
