so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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