until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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