i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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